In Matthew 10 Christ says that He came not to send peace, but a sword. Then He says, “For I am come to set a man at variance against …” This is something I have been working on for a long time now.
I believe that dot dot dot could be filled in with anything or anyone who we choose over God. Think about it – it happens all of the time. Sometimes I choose to read my scriptures, but sometimes I choose to watch tv that takes up that time I could have read the scriptures. Sometimes I choose to listen to conference talks, but sometimes I choose to listen to music, and although it isn’t really vulgar music, it also isn’t always spiritually uplifting music. Sometimes I choose to go to all of my church classes on Sunday, but sometimes I choose to come home and take a nap or go for a walk. Sometimes I choose to give my attention to eternal things, and sometimes I choose to seek out short term pleasures – even though I know they are exactly that.
We are here to be tried and tested. The best way for that to happen is to see if we will choose God continually in our lives. Unfortunately, that is hard for me to do in the way that I know it should be done. I’m no dummy; I see it in my life. I see my trial. I see my failures over and over again, but I also see the test and the path and the process. So I keep moving ‘forward’, a term and idea I have recently spent time teaching my kids about. Looking forward means letting go of what is behind you. It is forgiveness of others and self. It is setting pride aside in failures or mistakes or embarassments. It is simply moving ahead, looking forward. God knows we will make mistakes. The best thing we can do is learn from them, let them go, and move ahead.
I have to be careful of what I tell myself. I battle in my head about what I know and what I do, and when they conflict, it is hard for me to see clearly. I can only feel the contention of it all, but can’t always define it, until I take it to the Lord; usually, He helps me see clearly. I seek a merger of the two and want to align that part of my life. I want to learn from it so I can see it sooner for what it is. Line upon line. Precept upon precept. Here a little. There a little. And so I keep moving forward.
Forever grateful to get to be here.
