I’m stalling. I have been for 2 days now. I hate hurting people, all people. I told him I would answer. But I have been stalling.
As I walked tonight to ponder it and gather my thoughts, I couldn’t get far enough away from everybody. People everywhere, I couldn’t escape them and the noise. My thoughts bounced in my mind like a rubber ball springing off one wall to the next. My heart was heavy. It still is.
As I’m drafting the email, tears are welling up in my eyes. It is cold and blunt. Heartless. But really, it is not. It just needs to come across that way. Really, I am pleading with my Heavenly Father to take care of him because I know this will hurt him deeply. To take care of him in his lack of understanding. To help his unbelief.
I know God can heal hearts. I know that He can calm troubled souls. It might not always be in ways we think it should be, but He does it perfectly according to His perfect knowledge. I believe in this. I plead for this. I hope for this. And so … I hit send… with a heavy heart and a hope in the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
