I hate playing the stubborn game. I lose every time. I don’t care about holding grudges or being offended or about making assumptions about what someone might mean by something they say or don’t say or do or don’t do …. I really just don’t care to spend my time and energy on any of that. BUT … occasionally I find myself caught up in it just the same.
There are times when I have to be stubborn to stand my ground for a time or season on a given subject, when boundaries must be set and followed. These times, when playing the game is necessary and it’s what I actively choose, are fine. I can do that and feel that sometimes the Lord calls for them. But there are also times when occasionally I find myself subconsciously being subject to it. These are moments when I find myself offended for one reason or another, or when I allow myself to feel hurt by someone else. These might be moments of doubts in my life or moments of feeling insecure. They happen all too often, and when they do, I can feel the uneasiness creep in. I don’t like them. And because I don’t like them, I begin to feel angry towards them and resent that I am experiencing them again in my life. And with that resentment and anger, I turn to control and stubbornness to solve my problem. And that stubbornness pushes me towards hardness in my heart. And that hardness in my heart creates a harsh spirit inside of me. And that harsh spirit can be mean and act out in ridiculous ways that aren’t fair to other people. It’s a spiral that I need to work on. This is where I am learning to pivot.
Learning to pivot means, first, recognizing that you are in the spiral. As soon as you feel the uneasiness edge in ask your self, “What it is?” “Where is it coming from?” Identify it. See it. Be honest with yourself about it. It’s okay to feel whatever you need to feel.
Next, identify what your default is wanting you to do about it. For me, I always want to run away. When somebody hurts me, I want to run away and never talk to them or see them again. When I make a mistake and am embarrassed over it, I want to hide in a corner and never try again. When someone lies to me, I want to never trust that person again. These are my defaults. So identify what your default is telling you to do.
Third step … pivot.
When your stubborn default is telling you to walk away forever, pivot and walk closer. When your stubborn default is telling you to hide in a corner because you made a mistake, pivot and expose your mistake for everyone to see. Laugh about it. Learn from it. And try again. I am always telling my kids failure only proves that you’re trying. When you want to never trust again, pivot and offer a greater trust.
The Savior was the ultimate teacher in learning to pivot. He taught, “… but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matthew 5)
Life is fun. But it is also hard. As I learn to pivot and strive to become all that I am meant to become, I am so grateful for the Savior’s example to me. His continued love and kindness displayed throughout the scriptures comforts me in a chaotic life. He is a light … no, he is THEE light to light my way.
Forever grateful!
