It is such a pleasant evening tonight. I’m sitting in my backyard doing some work and couldn’t help but reflect on the peace the cool fall weather brings to me. It is definitely one way I see God’s love.
It made me think about President Thompson’s suggestion in his class last night to write the strong spiritual experiences we have had throughout our lives. I have had many.
When I was a teenager, I didn’t go to church. I knew very little about God and His great love, but I had moments where I was overcome with gratitude – so much so that it brought me to tears. I don’t know why or how, because life was not easy for me as a teenager, but I just knew that I was a part of something bigger. I knew that even the pain and struggle were pieces of something beautiful. I knew that it was a blessing to be here and that I was lucky to get to be a part of it. Somehow I just knew and found myself deep in gratitude for it. At the time I couldn’t identify the knowing as anything spiritual, but looking back it is easy for me to see God’s gentle and kind love enveloping me in my pain.
Since then, I have witnessed my loving Savior rescue me in the same way over and over again. It baffles me at His ability to lift me beyond the hurt. I have experienced this when in the temple while struggling with a difficult marriage relationship. I have witnessed His saving grace when confronted in a situation that should have hurt me deeply, but instead helped me to see deeper things and have hope in them. And again when I didn’t know how to handle a situation that hurt me to a point of devastation, He simply calmed everything inside of me and walked me through it. He even lifts me beyond the pain when the pains is sometimes or partially my fault. He doesn’t care whose fault it is. He just cares that we hurt. I don’t know how He does it, but I know that He does.
Another topic that came up during President Thompson’s class was how repentance isn’t stopping a behavior, but it instead, it is changing your heart. If you love someone genuinely, but have been engaging in behaviors that hurt them, repentance isn’t simply stopping the hurtful behavior, but it is more changing your heart to love that person more than you love the harmful behavior. Repentance is sacrifice. It is a proactive perspective. It is the love that President Uchtdorf speaks of in his talk, “Perfect Love Castest Out Fear.” Repentance, real repentance, is charity. It is simply turning our hearts to God and allowing Him to make what He will with them. It is loving God more than loving the world, as President Nelson spoke so powerfully about just the other day. I love his promise of rest in that talk. I so desperately need the rest he speaks of. Overcoming the world is something I have long been trying to learn. I am learning how to listen to my own voice. I know I can trust it, because I know that I know who God is and I know what I want, and that is simply to be His. There isn’t much more in this world that matters really.
Forever Grateful!
