It’s raining! That is beautiful and refreshing. I love hearing that sound of clomping drops watering the earth outside my window.
There’s been a lot on my mind lately.
Anja – She’s such a great person. When I was in the hospital she brought me orange slices, cucumber slices, and Neal A. Maxwell’s book that I had been reading. She told me, “I know you can’t see to read, but I’ll read it to you if you want.” And she knows I am always eating orange slices and cut up veggies. She is so thoughtful. Really, I think thoughtfulness is my love language. It was the best thing someone could have done.
Eddie – he’s been acting out. Idk what to do. I think it’s out of fear and uncertainty with my situation. I don’t want to punish him for his behaviors because I don’t want him to have a negative complexion towards himself. He is NOT a bad kid. I need to be able to remove myself from the moment enough to remember the underlying reasons and probably just give him a little more love.
My condition – It’s one thing to have some random thing happen to your body, but it’s a completely different thing to have the drs tell you that it’s a wait and see game. My blood thinners aren’t working quite as well at they thought they would have and my clot has gotten bigger since I left the hospital on Thursday. I am supposed to cut my dose of blood thinners down to half in two days, which concerns me if it isn’t working well enough at the dose I’m at now already. Then we wait and hope the clot doesn’t get too big to cause another stroke and that it doesn’t detach and travel to my brain, all the while we are hoping the tear in my neck actually heals on its own, because surgery to put a shunt in is sketchy and very technical and difficult given the location of the tear. The possible side effects or risks are dangerous, so they don’t want to do that unless they have to. So I just wait and see. All of that is a little heavy on me.
I’m going to a half day of work today to see how it goes. I tire easy, especially with reading and computers, and my brain can’t handle the chaos of emails and texts and lots of attention demanding stuff, so we’ll see how it goes. I’m nervous, though.
I am so grateful to get to be here still though. A little scared right now, but still grateful. And just for the record, I will still be grateful when I don’t get to be here too. God’s plan is eternal and great in all of its capacities; I already know that.
Forever grateful!
PS – I starting typing the title as Resuming Grateful, but apparantly I only wrote Resuming G. Looking at it just now made me laugh, so I’m keeping it, haha. Resuming G it is.
