Just the other day, I was chattin with a friend about a book he had been reading. The underlying idea was that we need to surrender to present realities of our lives, that when we resist emotions and circumstances is when we build contention and dissonance in our lives, which is also when we end up unhappy, angry, and unhealthy.
I agree with that … to an extent. I have always said it is important to surrender, and that through surrender is the only way to growth. Healing, true healing, comes when we surrender. Now, the longer I have thought on this topic, I have found where I disagree.
Surrender is for circumstances out of our control. We surrender when we can’t choose. For example, a relationship in my life had me thinking and believing that I had found a person with whom I could build a beautiful life. However, this person didn’t choose that with me. It hurt me a lot, and I just couldn’t figure out how he didn’t see what I saw. The longer I hung on to the belief that what I wanted was what was supposed to happen, the longer I suffered. But when I learned to surrender to it, I was free. I could NOT control what the other person felt and thought or chose. That circumstance in that situation was not in my control, so I had to surrender and let it go to find peace in my life. This is the part I agree with.
The part I disagree with, is when things ARE in our control. This is when we get to choose. This is when we get to dream big and work to make our dreams come true. I believe in knowing what we want for ourselves, for our kids, for our futures. I believe in taking the time to think and ponder and pray. And I believe in working hard to build the futures we want for ourselves, in actively choosing when we can. The Lord offers us agency exactly for that purpose – to choose. It is one of the greatest demonstrations of love He could offer us. He wants us to be proactive and go for what we want, to make a decision, and to choose. We don’t just sit back and let life happen to us, drifting in lukewarm. We do the work and prepare ourselves to make decisions and choices. That is how we show our appreciation for the gift of agency.
Sometimes things don’t go exactly like I want them to. Sometimes things are out of my control. I can surrender myself to those losses and mourn them. That is okay. That is how I find peace. But passively floating through life, accepting whatever comes along because I haven’t made the effort to discover what I want and what I would choose, is not. Allowing fear to keep me from hoping is not okay. I have to rebuild, find hope again, and let myself dream of that life.
