I haven’t had a lot of time lately for pondering and studying etc. I have read daily and prayed daily, but I haven’t been able to really dive into anything super deep. Life is stressing me a little right now. This COVID-19 stuff is stressing me a little. I can’t help but worry about my kiddos. Are they strong enough to fight it?
My sweet boy, Coltrin, was talking and saying he thought the COVID-19 was here as a trial from God for us. We talked about Job and the trials he endured. We talked about what outcome God would want to see from us from this trial. We talked about choices; about difficult things happening to good people and how we don’t always have a choice in what happens, but we always have a choice in how we react to it etc.
Sidney has been stressing me lately. It breaks my heart to see her unhappy. She has such a wonderful, fun and playful personality most of the time, but her dark times are dark and I feel her pain. She has been through a lot lately and I can’t help but feel responsible for some of it. I know God is molding her, and I know I should trust Him and have faith … but as a mother, it is hard to watch sometimes.
How do you tell a man that he is extremely selfish and it’s stunting his life? Or do you tell him? This has been in my head. I want to help, because I believe he sincerely wants to become better, but I don’t know if it is my place to say such things. I don’t want it to be my place, but I don’t think there is anyone else who can or will tell him. Or maybe I just let him be and accept that it’s just who he is and that’s his problem and not mine. I really don’t know. This has been in the back of my mind lately. Hmm…
I have a bazillion things I need to do, but most of the time I just put them all down and chill with my kids. Some nights the dishes don’t even get washed. That’s so gross, I agree, but it’s real. I hate doing dishes anyway. Of all of the household cleaning things to do, dishes would be the last I would choose to do … and yet, I do them all of the time.
Tomorrow is church at home. This will be the first church at home where my kids have been here. We will do testimony meeting. I want all of us to learn a new hymn, and we will have a Come Follow Me lesson about Enos.
Enos is super cool. I love that once his heart is settled about his own sins, then he pours his heart out for others, first his own people, and then the Lamanites. I know that feeling. There are times when I felt exactly that and begged God in another’s behalf – twice specifically that I can think of, neither of which I have ever shared with anyone and probably never will. They were very tender moments.
After church tomorrow, I want to take my kiddos for a road expedition scavenger hunt where we drive somewhere (I’m thinking toward Zions) and they try to complete the scavenger hunt items. I still need to come up with the items – things like, “Something that makes you smile,” or “Something that reminds you you are loved” etc. There is something about long drives that allows peace in everyone, and allows for family bonding time. I am sad, though, that Sidney will be at work instead of with us. I miss her.
I think for Easter I will hide scripture references in the Easter eggs with the candy and then have the family read their reference, referencing sections of scripture that talks about the Resurrection etc. I want Easter to be special, sacred and spiritual like it is intended.
I had a thought the other day that what a coincidence it is that we are all stuck at home amidst the Coronavirus outbreak during what is expected to be a super special General Conference and for the Easter holiday. In regular life, I would be fighting soccer and track schedules during these events, but now with the Coronavirus, I’m not. I get to watch all of conference as it happens. I saw this comment the other day about the outbreak being a delight for introverts. This made me laugh as I realized how true was. I don’t mind chillin away from most people at all, ha ha. I can practice social distancing any day and be dang good at it – doesn’t bother me any.
I think there is unseen wisdom in all of this. God has a plan, I know that. He loves His children, I know that too. And everything He does is for their good; for their growth and joy. I know this! Be patient and hang in there.
Forever grateful.
