Study this week includes my most favorite love story – that of Jesus and Mary.
In John, chapter 11, Lazurus dies and is dead for 4 days before Jesus comes to raise him from the dead. He had been sick and Jesus had been notified of the severe illness, but still chose to wait two more days before he headed towards Judea.
When He approached the city, Martha (Mary’s sister) came running to Him to confront Him, but the scriptures tell us “but Mary sat still in the house.” She didn’t run out to meet Him at the announcement of His approach. She sat still, in her house, heartbroken.
Her heart broke for the loss of her much loved brother, true, but her act of choosing to not run to meet Jesus stemmed from the heartbreak she felt in her relationship with Him. They were close friends. Dear friends. Jesus knew of her loss. Mary knew of His power to heal. And yet He didn’t come to save her from her grief and suffering. It was personal and she was devastated, heartbroken.
Jesus, of course, knew the fate of Lazarus and knew that all would be well. Faith was not required, He knew, and therefore knew urgency was of no benefit. Nobody else did, though. Understanding in that capacity was not something given to them at that time and so there was a miss in understanding between the parties.
Martha, after speaking with Christ, came running back to Mary and lied to her. She told Mary that Jesus had called for her. The scriptures don’t say that He did, but they also don’t clarify that he didn’t. They do use a word that leads me to believe that He didn’t call for her and that word is “secretly.” In verse 28, “And when she had said so, she went her way, and called Mary her sister secretly, saying, The Master is come, and calleth for thee.”
Whether Jesus did or didn’t call for her doesn’t matter. It is Mary’s response to the idea that He did and Jesus’s response to Mary that exemplify genuine love.
Referencing Mary’s response to Martha in verse 29, “As soon as she heard that, she arose quickly, and came unto him.” Verse 32-33, “Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died. When Jesus therefore saw her weeping … he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled…” It was just after this that “Jesus wept.”
Mary jumped instantly at the idea that Jesus requested to see her. Forgiveness had already been given to her dear friend. Her heart was broken, yes, but still gentle and kind and open to healing and understanding. And so she rushed to see Him in meekness and humility.
Jesus, when actually witnessing Mary’s pain, “groaned in the spirit, and was troubled.” He felt her pain. Not just felt it, but felt it so deeply that He groaned and wept with her. He knew the end, that Lazarus would be fine, so logically, weeping was not validated, but He cared about Mary and cared that she hurt and cared that her devastation and suffering was a result of His choice, whether that choice to wait was necessary or not, it still caused His most precious friend pain and suffering, and He was remorseful for it.
There is so much to learn from this example of ideal love.
- Don’t make assumptions about intentions. Mary didn’t make accusations as to why Christ didn’t come to save her brother right away. It did hurt her, but she didn’t get angry and start pointing the finger at Him over it.
- Forgive quickly. This is so hard to do when you feel you’ve been unjustly hurt! There is a fine line for me between forgiving and moving on and forgiving and allowing myself to continue to be exposed to the same treatment. I’ll admit, I am not super clear on this. I believe Elder Holland has counseled us that forgiving does not mean that we have to allow ourselves to be exposed to continued mistreatment. At the same time, forgiving someone does mean that we are not carrying around resentment and like feelings for that person in our hearts. So if I choose to move on and not allow someone who has hurt me in the past another chance to hurt me again, even if I can be cordial to that person etc … is that really forgiving? I don’t know. That is my honest answer. I just know that somehow we have to find ways to forgive and have a soft, kind heart towards that person and do it as quickly as possible, because it will ruin us if we don’t. I admire Mary and her pure love and faith in Jesus, that she instinctively rushes to Him, humbly and meekly, at His request.
- Pain is okay and does not have to breed anger. This is probably a lesson just for me. I have come to realize that anger, as far as I can tell, always stems from pain. When I am angry, I stop myself and ask, ‘Why am I hurting?’ When I see someone who is angry, I ask myself, “Why are they hurting?” It’s an objective way to view anger and super functional for me personally. I love that there is no anger in Mary. She simply allows herself to hurt. This is how we will need to be to enter the gates of Heaven. This is how we need to be with each other to nurture true and lasting relationships. Humble, meek, honest in word and emotion and open.
I love that the scriptures offer so many functional lessons for our lives. God truly loves us and provides plentifully for our joy and happiness and our return to Him. I am forever grateful!
