Today has been a BFF day – A Big Fat Failure day. I just couldn’t get the hate out of my heart no matter what I tried. I’m so tired of being taken advantage of, of being walked on, of being lied to. Tired of fighting to be happy, to be optimistic, to be hopeful. Tired of trying to always be kind. My kindness is what has allowed people to walk all over me. I rage with hate and anger over it. People I loved, gave my genuine heart to. People I exposed my vulnerability to … over and over again … I’m just so tired of it. I don’t know if I can ever do it again. I cancelled dates. Deleted social media accounts. Cut people off. And with NF loud in my ear I lay in my hammock in the midst of the storm and flashing lighting daring it to consume me, taunting the lightning to strike. Rest would be so nice right now.
I hate days like this. They are such a waste of time. I can’t help but laugh at the stark contrast between today and yesterday at the temple. And so it goes …
Forever grateful for all of it even with an angry heart. It’s just another BFF day …
