I don’t really know why I write these posts, except that I just feel like I should. Originally, I began writing as a way for my kids to eventually learn who I really was, but divorce has allowed that, and now I feel like they have a sound understanding of me. Just the same, however, I feel it is part of me to continue sharing the ways I see God’s hand in my life. Just tonight, I was walking the track at the school while my children were kicking the soccer balls around on the basketball court. While walking, I was listening to motivational stuff that prompted to inhale deeply and while exhaling completely to say thank you and identify what I was thankful for. I actually do this type of gratitude practice often, and always, love fills me as I say I am thankful for all of it – to just get to be here; for this wonderful plan of salvation and opportunity to learn and grow. I can’t put it all to words, exactly, but the Lord knows what I mean. I am so thankful to get to be a part of it!
There have been many other things that have been on my mind lately that I’ve been meaning to write about. I finished listening to Brad Wilcox’s book, “Changed Through His Grace.” In it Brother Wilcox mentions a part about living a consecrated life. He tells of how another sister (sorry, can’t remember her name off the top of my head) asked him if he was over the fun and exciting stage of his new calling of speaking and teaching etc. and he replied, “yes.” She then told him that he was now really living a consecrated life. This made me think that consecrated isn’t just dedicating ourselves and what we normally do to Jesus Christ, but how it is choosing to do things for Him when we don’t have to simply because we want to. It is choosing to do the work. Brother Wilcox compared it to Abraham and Isaac. He said it is one thing to be like Abraham and be willing to sacrifice what we have, but it is a completely different thing to choose and allow yourself to be Isaac … the actual sacrifice. What I think he meant, if I am understanding correctly, was more about surrendering our will to His. What are we willing to give up within ourselves to become what He needs and wants us to become? To be able to love and serve in the ways He needs us to love and serve?
This is the life I want to live. I have often called this ‘getting over myself’ but what I have meant by this is exactly what Brother Wilcox is describing. This life is filled with nonsense. We can keep ourselves so busy with meaningless activities, or even with somewhat meaningful activities, but how much time do we actually spend in pursuit of activities that fulfill greater eternal purposes? I want my focus strictly on those purposes. I want to see with eternal eyes and love with an eternal heart. I would love to live a more consecrated life. That is my heart. My reality, however, causes me to struggle. Sometimes I get stuck feeling so incomplete being single and feel I need a companion to reach that real level of consecration. At the same time, I can’t do anything at all about my situation (more than I am already doing, that is), God is at the helm in that regard, and so I reason that it shouldn’t matter and I can still live the best and most consecrated life possible for me at this time. That is the best I can do right now.
There are other things that have been on my mind, but I am tired and need to get some sleep. I will continue another time.
Forever grateful for the capacity to learn and the Spirit to guide my learning.
