Lately my thoughts have gone to the temple. I miss it and have not been in a while for various reasons. When people talk of happiness, I remember one specific time in the temple. When people talk of sadness, I remember another specific time in the temple.
Happiness first. I have always said that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is where you’ll find the most happiness possible. This is what I mean. I was at the temple with my husband at the time. Our marriage had been struggling and we had been driving 4 hours each way to go to marriage counseling and then attend a session at the temple, then drive the 4 hours back home. Married life was really difficult and uncertain at the time. The 4 hour drive home was usually torture, and even tho, the counseling session was usually almost as much torture as the drive home, the temple was so peaceful! I can recall a specific time where I knelt at the alter while doing proxy sealings and feeling so completely full of happiness, so much so that the sealer actually commented on it. It amazes me in hindsight that I could be going through something as difficult as I was in my marriage at the time, but still feel so much complete peace and happiness in the temple, even though the man who was and had been mistreating me so horribly was kneeling right beside me there at the temple with me. It’s a complex concept to wrap my head around other than God’s love is really that big!
Sadness now. Sadness for me has been a feeling of defeat, of surrender, of uncertainty and doubt. An aching and emptiness deep inside. There have not always been places where I felt safe enough to cry, but one day as I took myself to the temple, from the time I sat down in the session until all of the videos were done, I cried. Silent tears uncontrollably dripped of my cheeks. I didn’t have words for it. I don’t know how to describe the depth of sad I felt that day. Again, it is a complex concept. I was grateful that I felt I was in safe enough company at the temple to cry, but felt terrible as I watched tears roll down the cheeks of those officiating who were facing me and could clearly see my anguish.
Forever grateful for the temple! Can’t wait to go again.
