My heart filled with love and gratitude as I watched my daughter blow me a million kisses and wave the “squishy loves” sign at me after I dropped her off at her dad’s house. She had already given me a big hug and told me thanks for the super fun day. I love how pleasantly happy she is! As I drove away, tho, I began to feel a little empty. I thought about this empty feeling …
I have a wonderful life. I have 5 healthy and super fun kids. They are happy, grateful, and good kids. Our lives are collectively centered on Jesus Christ. We read scriptures nightly and say prayers together and have great conversation about the scriptures. We aren’t perfect, tho. We do have our share of fits and frustrations. I also have a grounded and stable life with a job, insurance, money for everything we need. I live a healthy and fit life, love to learn (this is beginning to sound like a dating ad, haha) and find happiness just about anywhere I go.
Back to the empty feeling …
When Lehi first ate of the fruit of the tree of life, immediately he looked around for his loved one so he could share it with them. It filled him with so much love and happiness and he wanted them to have that too. My life fills me with so much love and happiness, but as I look around to share it … I see that nobody is there. That is the empty.
I knew when I got divorced that I would have to endure some really difficult things. I couldn’t see exactly what they were, but I knew they were ahead of me. I don’t know if that piece of empty will ever go away. I am so grateful for my happy children and the wonderful life I do get to live, tho, and will find the peace I need to keep moving forward in faith and hope. I believe in the Savior and His plan. I will patiently wait.
Forever grateful.
