I recently listened to a message given by Elder David A. Bednar that told of how it isn’t possible for us to do everything, not all at once at least. He spoke of the importance of giving your time and attention to whatever task was at hand. If you are at home, be home with your family. If you are at church, be at church in body, mind, heart and spirit. If you are at work, be engaged 100% at work. It was a comforting message to me as life is intense crazy right now. While I’m working on my master’s degree, I have to give up many things. It is hard to make that decision and to let certain things go. I have to accept that sometimes, the inside of my house isn’t going to be as clean as I want. Sometimes I am going to have to do homework instead of workout. I keep telling myself that it is only for a little while. In 10 more months, I’ll get to go back to structured and organized life. Being reminded that there is a time and season and that multitasking, per say, isn’t exactly the way to do everything is such a relief to me. It’s hard to battle the guilt I feel sometimes, too, at not doing everything my brain says I should be doing.
I was talking with a friend today who was clearly upset. She shared with me the many different ways she feels her life is falling apart. It has rested on her for so long to hold everything in so many people’s lives together, but now the weight of it all is affecting her health and she is struggling. As I watched her cry and listened to her vent, I didn’t know what to tell her. I could feel all of it with her. I understood with my heart and had wisdom for her in my heart, but no words. Oh, how I wish I had words for the things I feel! Most of the time, though, I don’t. I usually end up saying a silent prayer and ask Heavenly Father to comfort that person in the ways that I can’t, to take care of them. I know He does in His own ways, in the ways that not I nor anyone else can, and I am so grateful for that.
Anja came into my classroom today after seminary to share with me some thoughts she had while in seminary. She explained how when the actions of our lives line up with the principles of the gospel, and the principles of the gospel line up with the doctrines, then we find this space of harmony or “at-one-ment”, meaning atonement. I thought about that for a second and confirmed part of her thinking, but felt I needed to expound on some of the meaning of the atonement. I tried to explain to her that the atonement isn’t always for the peaceful spaces in our lives, that it was sometimes meant to bring our scattered spaces into that harmony. That is done by releasing the things we can’t do by ourselves over to the Lord. Sometimes it is surrendering in humility. We have to allow Him to carry our burdens and sins and griefs over and over again because we can’t successfully carry them ourselves. Even in its simplest forms, I can use it, like allowing myself to accept that my life isn’t exactly how I think it should be right now. I know that an organized and clean house would function best for my family, but I have to allow the Lord to make up for that in my children’s lives for these next 10 months. I have to pray and have faith and ask for His help in something as little as that, because if it is important to me and causes me concern, then it is just as important and of concern to the Lord.
In all of this craziness and busyness of life right now, one thing I can’t compromise is putting the Lord’s kingdom and my family first. Counsel to me on this has been very clear. When I am able to redirect myself after wandering from the Lord, it is easy for me to instantly see and feel where true happiness lies, in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no doubt in my mind that there isn’t a greater happiness anywhere to be found. If I had words for the way I felt about that, you would know it too.
Forever grateful.
