Stubborn: Having or showing dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, especially in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so. — Google Dictionary (is that even a real thing, ha ha?!)
“A dogged determination” … Wow! That’s intense. “… Not to change one’s attitude or position on something…” Okay, here’s the question – what is that something? What are you refusing to give way to?
When we initially think about being stubborn, we think negative. We think detrimental. BUT the definition of stubborn also included the word “determination.” We don’t get anywhere in life without this word. So, is stubbornness good? OR bad? I think it depends.
Having a conviction or determination to do anything is a powerful characteristic to have. It’s a gift, truly from God. It means you can do anything you decide you are going to do. That is the strength in it, the good. However, the bad comes when our decision making isn’t the best or when we simply choose to hang on to the wrong things.
Sometimes we fall to influence, to slothfulness, to carelessness and decisions are made for us instead of us making them. In Revelation 3:16, the Lord tells us, “So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.” He needs us to choose – to be making our own choices and decision. He needs us to be proactive in our lives. But sometimes we just aren’t. Life has a way of keeping us busy and distracted. From my own personal experience, when this happens, it causes dissonance within me. I get irritated and it usually takes me some serious time of pondering and honing in on my feelings to figure out why.
Sometimes we allow our gift of stubbornness to rule us. It hovers over all other emotions or characteristics just waiting to be implemented, pushing everything to the extreme. Caution! This is a dangerous place. If we aren’t being proactive and aware of the choices we are making, this gift of stubbornness will drive us into the wrong extreme, that of pride. Detrimental.
The gift of stubbornness requires a refined balancing act. Here is the dilemma: How do we get our gift of stubbornness to work for good? To bless our lives and the lives of others? To further the Kingdom of God?
In both Doctrine and Covenants 46 and Moroni 10 we learn that these gifts from God are for the benefit of His children. They are meant for good. We are meant to refine them, to implement them in helpful ways that bless everyone’s lives. Like passions, the gift of stubbornness needs to be bridled. If it isn’t, it can be detrimental in so many ways. As mentioned above, it can lead to straight up pridefulness. It can lead to hard hearts, to anger, to resentment, to missed opportunities and blessings. It really is so dangerous.
I have a friend who is so, so, so super stubborn, ha ha, it makes me laugh. I can’t compete even in the slightest. It’s actually one of the things I really like about him, though, and admire in him. The problem is that he doesn’t yet know how to control it and use it only for good, and that makes it easy for me to use against him … all I have to do is put it into motion.
One of Newton’s laws says that something in motion will remain in motion until a force acts upon it. Stubbornness can easily be put into motion by offending someone, by embarrassing someone, by singling someone out, by challenging someone, by ignoring someone … really, there are so many ways! Once I put it into motion, my friend does all of the work for me. His unbridled stubbornness drives him and because he is unaware and uneducated of it, unless another force acts upon it (usually me), it will remain in motion, leading him where? To a hard heart? To anger? To pride? To loneliness? To feeling rejected? To fear? To false insecurities? I really don’t know. But I do know it won’t lead to anything good unless he learns to bridle it and mandate its course.
Life is continuous education. We are meant to learn and grow, to develop our gifts and talents for better. We are meant to try and fail, to repent and know forgiveness. We are meant to be hurt and learn to forgive. We are meant for all of it!
I am so forever grateful to get to be my own refining project in His majestic, eternal plan. I love Him!
