I have been reading Beverly Campbell’s book, “Eve and the Choice Made in Eden.” It’s been on my to do list for a long time now. Recently I have been praying for a better knowledge and understanding of my value and worth to my Heavenly Father as His daughter. Twenty years of never being enough regardless of the effort I made to the person I entrusted my delicate vulnerabilities to has certainly had its impact on my self worth and mental security. I want to love and respect myself as the Lord loves and respects me. I want to know what that feels like.
I can’t say that I have ever completely understood my value in my entire life. There have been moments where I knew I was loved, no doubt. I have seen time and time again the Lord’s hand in my life, even when I wasn’t worthy of it. His effort on my behalf shows me He loves me, but I want to feel that same love for myself; I want to love me as He does. So I decided it was a good time to finally start reading this book and diving deeper into the value of Mother Eve. The Lord works in learning patterns and through example, I figured learning of Eve would help me understand my own worth and divine potential according to God’s design.
In the book, there is a part at the end of chapter 2 where Sister Campbell is telling of a lady who pondered what she had learned about Eve and found herself in tears. Having difficulty understanding why she broke in such a tender way, she wrestled with her emotion and concluded with the distinct thought, “It’s true, I am who I always thought I was.”
I can’t tell you the impact this statement has for me. It, like the lady in the book discovering it, brought me to tears. So many times in my life I have been told that I wasn’t. Instead, I was told that I was a hypocrite, that I was worthless, inconsistent, good at nothing, not pretty enough, too muscular, not thin enough, not tall enough, not talented enough, scatterbrained, too athletic, not feminine enough, not organized enough, not a good enough homemaker and the list goes on and on and on.
So often I found myself confused and actually analyzing myself, asking if these things were true about me. Was the intent of my heart not what I claimed it to be? Why can’t I seem to get anything done right? What is wrong with me?
I thought I was supposed to be loved and cherished as a best friend, as a companion, as a priority. Was this not true? I struggled so often with this question and idea – confused at why I couldn’t find an alignment of me, my spouse and God. Instead, it was either me and my spouse OR me and God. It was so confusing. And so often I doubted myself. So to hear the lady’s revelation from the book, “It’s true, I am who I always thought I was,” is a sweet welcoming breath of life, love and freedom. I am who I always thought I was.
Forever grateful!
