Remember how I said that Satan uses me against me most, that he uses the delicate things in my life to get to me? … Here is an example of that:
Satan knows I can’t stand to see the suffering of people I love. I feel all of it, and it hurts so much. I would do anything to help relieve it. Satan knows this. So there are times that he plays this against me. He tries to get me to cross boundaries of right versus wrong to relieve the suffering of somebody I love. Now, I know in my mind that I can’t save anyone, that people (with the help of the Savior) have to save themselves. They have to want it AND they have to choose it. They have to be willing to do the hard things and to do the work to be “saved” when they are ready. I know this, but Satan wants me to think that there is something in my power that would fix it or make it all better. There isn’t. I know this. But to see the suffering hurts just the same.
There is a second angle to this that Satan uses, and that is the pain. Pain manifests itself in me as anger. When I hurt, I don’t ball up and cry (not right away at least – I get there eventually). Instead I get mad and fight. Do you remember who the author of anger is? Yep, Satan. He wants me to be angry. He wants my heart to grow cold and hard from anger. If he can’t get me to believe I can save someone and cross the boundaries to do it, he will try to get me to grow angry over it so my heart will be cold and hard, effecting so many other things and so many other people in my life, bringing destruction eventually to everything. He’s so dang twisted.
So I can choose to be angry when it hurts. OR I can choose to simply hurt and allow myself to feel the pain, knowing I can’t do a darn thing to fix it. I want the latter. I want the Lord’s hand in my life. I want His help. But the Spirit of the Lord can’t dwell in an angry heart. He just can’t. So my heart has to be soft and open, which means I have to allow myself to feel the pain and hurt. That is where He can heal me. This will be hard for me to do consistently – my default is anger, so I will need to patiently retrain myself over time, but with the Lord’s help, I know I can do it.
Alma 26:12 “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things…”
Forever grateful.
