When I was going through my divorce, I knew it was going to be the hardest thing I had ever done. I knew it was going to hurt in ways I couldn’t understand. I knew it was going to hurt other people in my life in ways I couldn’t control. I knew it was going to shake my world. And I knew I was in danger of landing in Satan’s grip because of it. Here’s what I did to survive it:
Set Spiritual Goals. I committed myself to praying from my knees every single day. There were plenty of days where I didn’t feel worthy of speaking to the Lord. There were days when I hurt so much that my heart was simply dead inside and I couldn’t mutter any type of sincere prayer, but I knelt anyway and did what I could. I made that priority in my life. Heavenly Father knows what we are going through in our lives. I knew He knew the suffering in my heart and I know that He wasn’t taking any of my short comings towards Him personally. He knew I was trying and was appreciative and grateful for my two mites. I also read from the Book of Mormon and my patriarchal blessing everyday. There are promises associated with both for me, and I knew that I needed those blessings in my life at this time more than I ever have before. Some nights I only read a verse and spent zero time pondering it, but I did it anyway. I did this for 2 years.
When Nephi breaks his bow and can’t feed his family, he takes action before he turns to the Lord. He builds a new bow and arrow from wood then inquires of the Lord for help. Actions matter. Our actions are part of our commitments to our Heavenly Father – prayer, reading scriptures, going to church, paying tithing, fasting etc … all of these things show Him you are making effort and wanting to choose Him.
Make Heavenly Father Your Best Friend. This was probably (not probably, but by far) the most important thing I did. This is where your heart will change. There are so many recent conference talks that tell us to pour out our hearts unto the Lord. I just searched it, 18 of them, to be exact. When we pray, whether it be kneeling or simply in our hearts throughout the day, tell the Lord EVERYTHING that is in your heart – the dark things and the light things, the things that hurt, but make sure you tell Him the things that you are grateful for too. If you can’t think of any, don’t stop praying until you do. Find gratitude and share it with Him. Even if it is only “I am grateful for the sunshine.” And then, tell Him of the things you want in your life. Share your vision of what you want your life to be with Him. This doesn’t mean you are asking Him to make these things happen for you – there is a difference. This is simply telling Him your vision, what you would like. This was hard for me at times and I can do it much more easily now (a year and a half later), but I spent so much time while going through my divorce in what I call “survival mode” that I couldn’t always think of or see anything beyond that moment I was dealing with. There’s that famous quote, “When going through hell, don’t stop.” That was applicable to me at that time. I kept my head down and plowed through what I knew I needed to do to get through without stopping to take in hell. There is healing after, there is light at the other end.
It was strange sometimes to share everything like that in prayer. I knew that Heavenly Father already knew what I was feeling and going through – so why did I need to say it? Our God is amazing! I know I have already said it before, but He is so smart. And His wisdom and brilliance towards us is 100% rooted in love for us. So He has instructed us to pour out our hearts to Him not for what it does for Him, but what it does for us. When we open our hearts completely to someone, we grow closer to them. We also become more aware of us as we identify exactly what it is we are feeling. We learn our emotions – what it means when we feel a certain way and what triggers us towards it, which means, in the future, we will be better able to control these emotions and better understand them in others. It’s all part of our growth towards becoming like Him.
Hang On To What You Know. There will be moments of spiritual insights, personal revelations, peace and comfort over certain things … when you feel these, write them down. You will need to reference them later as you go through hell. Satan is twisted and messes with our heads in serious ways. Fear is a huge one. He causes fear and confuses us so we doubt ourselves and waver and wander etc. There are so many nasty tricks he will play, but as we keep our eyes and focus on God, those fears and uncertainties will subside and enlightenment will come, so when it does, keep note of it so you can help yourself remember of what you KNOW. Remembering is such a huge theme throughout the Book of Mormon.
The last thing, Keep Moving Forward. None of this was perfect for me. All of it was hard. But I had to keep moving forward in faith and hope. I had to surrender so much of it to my Savior, because I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t carry it all. I spent so many hours on my knees in prayer begging for my Heavenly Father to hang on to me because I couldn’t hang on to Him. I had to admit my limitations to Him and accept His help and peace that comes with it even though I didn’t deserve it. I had to rest the welfare of my children in His arms because I wouldn’t be able to control their care anymore. I had to surrender the care and friendship of my dear elderly friend because I wouldn’t be there anymore to take care for her. I had to walk away from many loving people and friendships, leaving them in confusion, but trusting that the Spirit of the Lord would help peace be the underlying understanding of it all for them. All of these things hurt. All of them were hard. But there is hope now. There is light now. There is peace now. There is joy and happiness now. It’s not perfect, it still hurts sometimes and I am still working for it all, but I am happy and my heart is peaceful and full. Keep moving forward.
God’s love is real. His healing is real. His promises are real. He is kind. He is gentle. Make Him your priority. Share your heart with Him. Feel His love. It is there for you.
Forever grateful.
