My family has gone through a lot of changes lately. There have been moves, job changes, divorce, new schools, new friends, no friends, break ups, new church groups, new sports, new coaches … the list goes on and on. As a parent, there is always a piece of my subconscious brain tending to my children. And I’ll be honest, right now in life, that subconscious portion emits anxiety. I worry about my kids. Always. In all ways possible. That’s what that means. And I have 5 kids, so that means 5 times the anxiety and stress.
I know that many of my anxieties for my children will simply work themselves out over time – they just do. That’s life. Some of the stresses I can’t do anything about anyway. And then there are those that I could interfere with and helicopter but know that I shouldn’t, and instead, have to choose to step back and allow my children to struggle. This is so hard.
My daughter, the other day, decided she was going to put herself out there in trying to make new friends and invited someone to go with her to a ball game. She and I both anxiously waited a reply. One finally came and it was hopeful, but not certain. So she waited longer to hear if she had a friend going to the game with her. The conversation bounced back and forth and eventually just went quiet without any final decision made. She felt she had been blown off and rejected. I hurt for her. She had been brave enough to take a chance and was slapped down for it – her initial fear confirmed. She pretended it didn’t matter, but I knew better.
It was difficult as a mother to have the conversation that we had. Really, I wanted to call up that kid and lay on a lecture about clear communication and speaking your mind in kind and gentle ways and walking in someone else’s shoes and how life was already hard for my daughter that she didn’t deserve to be jerked around by anyone … But instead, My conversation with my daughter began with, “I am so proud of you for being brave and putting yourself out there even though it was scary.”
We talked about the choice to be offended or to let it go. We talked about how we didn’t know everything that was going on in this kid’s situation and circumstance and how we shouldn’t jump to conclusions about anything. We discussed scenarios and ways for her to communicate her feelings in nonthreatening or abrasive ways, but that still allowed her to be heard.
As I watch my daughter struggle, hurt, and make conscious decisions and choices through these life learning moments, I can see hope. It hurts, yes, and it is difficult for me to not interfere, but these are her moments of growth. These are the moments that mold her into the adult she has potential to become.
I see hope in who she is now and who she is learning to become. I see hope in her ability to value and trust herself. I see hope in her courage. I see hope in her choice and desire to do hard things. She is going to be okay.
I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves my children, who pulls them under His wings when I can’t pull them under mine.
Forever grateful!!!
