I have been trying to work on hope and faith lately. I want to be a hopeful person. I want to have the faith in God, in His plan for me, so that I can hope for things to come. I think it’s important to share with the Lord the things we hope for. I believe it helps Him work with us towards those things. In Elder Maxwell’s talk, “Hope Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ,” he says that ultimate hope is eternal and tied to the other gospel doctrines of faith, charity, and patience.
And now it makes sense why I am struggling with hope, haha. That darn patience is so hard for me. I just want to do things now. Once I know what is right, I want it now. Once I know my purpose, I want to do it now. I want to work now. I want to accomplish things now. etc etc etc. The Lord must look down at me sometimes and just shake his Fatherly head. I can easily imagine Him saying, “Shaleah, Shaleah, Shaleah … you just need to be patient already. Please wait.” So, okay, I can wait. But what do I do while I wait? That throws me off, haha. What is the right path through the waiting? I don’t want to mess anything up while I wait, so how in the world do I just wait without messing things up?
Elder Maxwell also mentions how the loss of hope turns us to selfishness, which makes sense to me. If you don’t hope that things will work out for you, why would you even try? So having that ultimate hope would also mean hope and an understanding in the Atonement of Jesus Christ, because undoubtedly we all make mistakes and need to be able to hope that we can overcome them and move forward to ultimately be able to hope in the plan the Lord has for us. Man, if you really let that settle in, it gets deep.
Here’s what I know. I lose hope sometimes, which makes me sad, because when I am filled with hope, it’s the best feeling ever! I love feeling hopeful. I want to feel that way always. The lack of patience and a little heartbreak is the culprit for me, for sure. I don’t know how to wait. I don’t know what to do while I wait. And I really don’t want to mess up. I find that I am able to regain that feeling of hope through study (listening to conference talks mostly) and communicating my desires and concerns with the Lord. I don’t have answers exactly as to what I should do while I wait, maybe I do nothing? I don’t really know, but I do know that the Lord knows so much more than I do and has my best interest at heart.
Forever grateful.
